Wednesday, March 16, 2011

Facing with an impossible desicion.

To go to Japan for a semester in August or go for a year in 2012, Year 11.
I feel in so much pain and suffering with deciding what to do.
I've been waiting so so so very long to go to Japan. 3 and a half years of waiting.
Then just one week before departure, it's postponed.
Sorry, for being selfish, for caring only for myself but I'm just really broken hearted.
A part of me has died.
When I unpack my case, tell my Japanese teachers,close friends,my friends in Japan, or do anything related to going to Japan on student exchange,
Semester in August:
Pro:
I'll get to go sooner.
It'll be in my year 10.
I won't have to School Certificate properly.

Con:
It is only a semester.
I won't take in as much
I won't learn the language properly.

Year in 2012:
Pro:
I'll be able to take in a lot more.
Learn Japanese properly.

Con:
Leaving Japan unsatisfied.
Possibly repeating year 11.
Graduating later/without my friends.
Risk of driving insane impatiently.
Seems like my mum doesn't want me to do this/trying to convince me to not repeat year 11.

F&$@ my life.(no, I don't care, mum. This is how i feel)

I thought about probably choosing different country, but I can't go without a scholarship and my one is funded by Japanese Government... Or I might try finding a different alternative. Beg for an earlier departure date even.
My tiny brain is going to explode.

When I go to school, I'll talk to a couple teachers tomorrow and see what happens.
I feel just so crap, emo and depressed.
I literally have a headache right now.
Plus, I know, I'll be forced to go to school tomorrow.

Guys, I might try and ignore everything anything Japanese for a while.
Glee could cheered me up for possibly 30mins before I crashed back down again.
In six days, I should have been able to escape the ordinary and let go of everything that I was worrying about for a year. To learn about my favourite country Japan. To have a little me time and find out who I really am. Some people are okay with it, some are really upset.
I'll get over but not anytime soon.

fml.
seriously.
i swear i'll be happier next time I post.
just let me breathe.
I'll list everything that's on the bright side.....................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................fuck

4 comments:

  1. Go this year. Year 11 is way more important than Year 10. xD
    At the end of year 10 you're basically just missing the end of a bludge year. And you've been waiting to go to Japan for so long. There'll be opportunities in the future for a longer exchange. Do this while you can, without missing major things. :)
    That's my advice xD

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  2. We're all heartbroken right now, but let's do our best until we can finally get to Japan!

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  3. I feel the exact same way as you do. Everytime someone tells me that they're sorry or try to cheer me up I start to break down and they always tell me the same things; "Well, if you went you might have gotten so sick from the nuclear radiation."

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  4. I hope you will find something that works out for you!

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